I can't seem to go back and read the old posts. I've tried, but don't make it very far. So painful. I feel like I'm trapped in limbo, can't move forward, can't go back. I want to see Dad sitting in his chair, in his blue checkered robe, eating something he enjoys alot, but probably shouldn't be eating. I want to walk through the door at the house and hear him call out from the living room, "Angie is that you?" And I'll respond. "No Dad, it's not me." I can hear him in my head. "Okay 'not you', what're we having for dinner tonight?"
I complained about not always being able to go home on weekends, and Dad's constant chatter about stuff...and going on and on about somebody or something. And now I can't stand the silence.
I miss the sound of your voice. I miss you, Dad, and I'm so sorry for my complaining. I'd give back all of this time on my hands and all of the empty weekends since you passed to be taking care of you again, to have you back in life. I'd give anything for just one more day.
For the rest of my life there won't be one day I don't think of you. I know this is true because there hasn't been one day since you've passed where you haven't been on my mind. Same with mom and Kenny. I don't know what to do with this contant feeling of sadness...this feeling of being so lost in a place where you aren't here anymore.
I love you!
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